Adjusting to a new normal is harder than I thought...
I knew I'd miss Israel, I guess I just didn't know I'd miss it this much. So what do I miss so much? Yes of course I miss my friends, I miss Tel Aviv nightlife, but really I miss how I felt while being there.
I felt like more of myself, I felt free, I felt embraced, and I felt sure. Since I've been home I really haven't felt any of this. I've been away from home so long that I don't really have many friends here, so it's kind of like starting over, but not quite. Trying to make friends in a place where people know you, but not really, but they have opinions of you nevertheless, makes things a little weird. Coming back to a place where people have all of these expectations of me and for me makes it hard for me to feel like myself. I felt so sure and hopeful before and being here I've started to doubt myself. Mainly because people keep questioning my decisions. I know this is normal, but sometimes you just don't want to have to defend yourself and wish the people close to you would believe in your dreams as much as you do.
I miss my independence, moving back home after so many years of being on my own is a tough adjustment for me. I love my mother very much, but living in the same house as her can be a bit stressful for both of us. Sometimes I want to be on my own and I don't want to be bothered, but that's not really possible when you're living at home. I feel like I've lost some control of my own life.
One little positive is I've actually found a job, but it doesn't pay well at all. This is also contributing to my doubt and feeling less independent. My job doesn't pay well enough for me to live on my own, hell my job doesn't even pay well enough for me to take care of myself. I know money isn't everything and I don't ever want to compromise my happiness for a job ever again, but the fact that I work and I still can't take care of myself has made me wonder if I'm doing the right thing for sure. This adjustment just hasn't been easy, it's been harder than I thought....My bright, positive, hopeful self is starting to dim a bit.
Not to mention I keep getting little comments from my family about not having a boyfriend. I mean really I don't need anymore reminders or for anyone else to point it out. I know I'm single! Relationships don't just fall from the sky, you actually have to meet people and connect with them to build relationships. Please stop pointing my lack thereof out, these things take time and when the time is right it will all work out for me on the Love front. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! :)
Well as the saying goes, nobody said life would be easy, they just said it'd be worth it. So I am keeping my spirits up by reminding myself of this as often as possible. I'll keep moving forward, believing that great things are yet to come, my moment is still pending and I'll be ready and waiting.
I felt like more of myself, I felt free, I felt embraced, and I felt sure. Since I've been home I really haven't felt any of this. I've been away from home so long that I don't really have many friends here, so it's kind of like starting over, but not quite. Trying to make friends in a place where people know you, but not really, but they have opinions of you nevertheless, makes things a little weird. Coming back to a place where people have all of these expectations of me and for me makes it hard for me to feel like myself. I felt so sure and hopeful before and being here I've started to doubt myself. Mainly because people keep questioning my decisions. I know this is normal, but sometimes you just don't want to have to defend yourself and wish the people close to you would believe in your dreams as much as you do.
I miss my independence, moving back home after so many years of being on my own is a tough adjustment for me. I love my mother very much, but living in the same house as her can be a bit stressful for both of us. Sometimes I want to be on my own and I don't want to be bothered, but that's not really possible when you're living at home. I feel like I've lost some control of my own life.
One little positive is I've actually found a job, but it doesn't pay well at all. This is also contributing to my doubt and feeling less independent. My job doesn't pay well enough for me to live on my own, hell my job doesn't even pay well enough for me to take care of myself. I know money isn't everything and I don't ever want to compromise my happiness for a job ever again, but the fact that I work and I still can't take care of myself has made me wonder if I'm doing the right thing for sure. This adjustment just hasn't been easy, it's been harder than I thought....My bright, positive, hopeful self is starting to dim a bit.
Not to mention I keep getting little comments from my family about not having a boyfriend. I mean really I don't need anymore reminders or for anyone else to point it out. I know I'm single! Relationships don't just fall from the sky, you actually have to meet people and connect with them to build relationships. Please stop pointing my lack thereof out, these things take time and when the time is right it will all work out for me on the Love front. That's my story and I'm sticking to it! :)
Well as the saying goes, nobody said life would be easy, they just said it'd be worth it. So I am keeping my spirits up by reminding myself of this as often as possible. I'll keep moving forward, believing that great things are yet to come, my moment is still pending and I'll be ready and waiting.
Comments
Post a Comment