Being a doctoral student....it's hard.
This has been weighing heavily on me recently... I guess letting it out might actually help. I've literally not spoken to anyone about this, well other than countless prayers! I don't know how to when everyone seems to be so happy for me. I've actually wanted to quit school! I know that's shocking, because everyone looks at me as strong, and I believe they're cheering for me. But, being a doctoral student is hard! It's so hard, the closer I get to the finish line the harder it seems. This journey is not for the faint at heart, and lord knows this semester has really made me wanna give up on more than one occasion.
This undertaking has been daunting, it seems never ending. It's physically, emotionally, and financially draining. I keep wondering why am I doing this to myself, is this worth it?! Deep down I don't even know the answer, but I tell myself it will be. I'm doing something, worthwhile after all, and I've done well thus far. But, when everyone thinks you're the strong person, it's hard to tell them that you too need support, not just to celebrate when you have your victories, but throughout the journey. Strong people have moments of weakness too!
I'm a smart girl, I know this, and most of the times I am confident in my academic endeavors, but this one, this one scares the crap out of me. Being Dr. Strachan is going to be an amazing achievement, but getting there is one hell of a sacrifice, and right now I don't know how to make it there. I feel lost, I have my dissertation to complete, and I know what I wanna do, but I'm so damn scared, because this is one task I don't know how the heck I'm going to do it. Even more challenging is it's not the the only thing I have to do, I still work. I complete my courses via distance education, and I literally have nobody close to me who has been through this journey, to lean on. Distance learning at this level brings a level of discipline I didn't even know I had. Respect Doctors, medical or otherwise, because this is one undertaking that will make or break a person!
I work two jobs most of the times, and then I have to come home and complete my school work, when I tell you I'm tired, it's no exaggeration. I then am also a young woman trying to balance a social life, and down time to relax, and I often feel guilty for taking time to recharge. It's one hell of a balancing act and this semester truly has had me on an emotional rollercoaster.
I guess I say all of this to say, that my truth is I also have moments of weakness, and I need support. Becoming Dr. Strachan, may just be the hardest thing I ever do, and I cannot do this alone, not anymore.
This undertaking has been daunting, it seems never ending. It's physically, emotionally, and financially draining. I keep wondering why am I doing this to myself, is this worth it?! Deep down I don't even know the answer, but I tell myself it will be. I'm doing something, worthwhile after all, and I've done well thus far. But, when everyone thinks you're the strong person, it's hard to tell them that you too need support, not just to celebrate when you have your victories, but throughout the journey. Strong people have moments of weakness too!
I'm a smart girl, I know this, and most of the times I am confident in my academic endeavors, but this one, this one scares the crap out of me. Being Dr. Strachan is going to be an amazing achievement, but getting there is one hell of a sacrifice, and right now I don't know how to make it there. I feel lost, I have my dissertation to complete, and I know what I wanna do, but I'm so damn scared, because this is one task I don't know how the heck I'm going to do it. Even more challenging is it's not the the only thing I have to do, I still work. I complete my courses via distance education, and I literally have nobody close to me who has been through this journey, to lean on. Distance learning at this level brings a level of discipline I didn't even know I had. Respect Doctors, medical or otherwise, because this is one undertaking that will make or break a person!
I work two jobs most of the times, and then I have to come home and complete my school work, when I tell you I'm tired, it's no exaggeration. I then am also a young woman trying to balance a social life, and down time to relax, and I often feel guilty for taking time to recharge. It's one hell of a balancing act and this semester truly has had me on an emotional rollercoaster.
I guess I say all of this to say, that my truth is I also have moments of weakness, and I need support. Becoming Dr. Strachan, may just be the hardest thing I ever do, and I cannot do this alone, not anymore.
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