The Adjustment Process...

Moving to a new country is always hard. I am quite used to it for the most part. I am used to being away from my family at this point. For me making friends didn't seem that difficult in high school and college. Telling people you're from The Bahamas is the easiest way to intrigue people. LOL! Making friends and meeting new people hasn't been so easy this time around though. 

I've been in Israel a little over 3 months now and I've not really made any new friends. Outside of my roommates, I don't really hang out with anyone else in my program and even though I have been out and hang out in cafes and ride my bike around town I've not met any new and interesting people that way either. It starts to get a little lonely, I have to admit. Sometimes I just need a break from being in the house or even from my roommates and when I do that it usually means I go out alone. I actually like my alone time and appreciate it, it's the introvert in me. However, it would be nice to have someone else to explore Tel Aviv with, have a drink, hang at the beach or have dinner, something, anything. 

It's harder to make friends when you're older I guess. Partly because you've kinda already started to establish who you are and just like a romantic relationship you learn from experience who/what you want in your life. The people in my program are cool, I get on with them for the most part, within the context of our learning environment, but outside of that I don't really have a connection with anyone. I am not one to force things and I prefer things to progress organically and so far I've just not found anything I have in common with anyone that would develop into a friendship. Not sure if that's because I come from a very different background to everyone else and I am the only black person in my class or what but there's been minimal interaction outside of the classroom.

Another thing that I find odd, and I discussed this with another girl in my class today, that being non-Jewish in Israel seems to breed contention for some. Either they automatically assume that you are Jewish because you're here OR you are looked at as strange and almost made to feel un-welcomed because you aren't Jewish. People look at me silly when I say I am not Jewish and I chose to study in Israel. Often times too they feel the need to explain to me stuff that may be specifically cultural as if because I'm not Jewish I wouldn't or shouldn't know these things. Typically I do know what they are referring too because I have Jewish friends and also because I dated a Jewish guy for 3 years, but why should I feel I have to defend myself or my knowledge of a culture because of someone else?! Why does one automatically assume I don't know? If I don't know something I usually ask and if someone asks me something about Caribbean culture or black people then I answer, but I don't assume they don't know until they ask or seem confused by what I say. Different I know but it reminds of the youtube video "stuff white girls say to black girls". Some of it is totally ignorant. I can usually laugh at most of it though. In case you've not seen it see this link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9_nmgbnshE 

When I go out in Israel I've not met anyone either.Well I guess that's not entirely true...I met one guy while at a cafe that turned out to be really aggressive, which completely turned me off and another guy at a club who took my number but called once and never called back when I told him I couldn't see him when he wanted to meet. I guess part of it may be that I don't speak the language, and part of it may be that because I don't look like most people here and I stick out as a foreigner like a sore thumb, people don't approach me. I don't know if that is because of intimidation or because of the silent, almost unspoken, other than the passing laws of jail time for aiding refugees (*insert sarcasm here*), racism that I kind of feel living here. Since living here, and I've expressed this before, I have gotten the vibe that black people are not really thought very highly off here, I guess mainly because the black population here is African Refugees. The influx of refugees is becoming overwhelming here and they are not treated very well. This undertone of racism isn't necessarily from the people that I interact with day to day, but it's a feeling I get when I am out and about. Another thing that's shocked me.... since being here I have not seen a single interracial couple, I guess I just got used to in the States its so common now that I expect to see it. I see it in Europe and other places too, but I have yet to see it here. I guess that it kinda adds to my feelings.

I don't know I guess I said all of this to say that I miss my friends. I miss having my network to chat with and do stuff with and feel supported. I hate this lonely feeling I feel since being here. When I have had a particularly rough day or interesting day, just in general really I don't have anyone here to just talk to. I live for skype dates and bbm conversations more and more. Adjusting to a new country and grad school and everything around me being brand new, minus the 3 suitcases of stuff I brought with me, is tough! It makes it even harder when my girl friends are thousands of miles away. 

I appreciated having my friends visit over the last break. I am so looking forward to going home and seeing friends next month. AND I definitely can't wait for my next visitor to get here. :)

I guess this is all a part of the adjustment process and good for my personal growth. Change is hard, but I embrace it, I continue to learn more about myself and the world through this journey and for that I am appreciative. Even if I don't foster new friendships while here, I have learned that your close friends are to be treasured and I only appreciate them even more. There is no time, space, nor distance that can get in between me and my friends! :) 

F.R.I.E.N.D.S = (F)ight for you. (R)espect you. (I)nvolve you. (E)ncourage you. (N)eed you. (D)eserve you. (S)ave you.