What my 20s mean to me (thus far)
I wish when I entered my 20s someone would have given me a survival guide for this decade. Your 20s is like the decade of constant change! I entered my 20s in college. Undergrad life seems like a lifetime away from where I am now and it's actually all in the same decade.
I look back on pictures from college and sometimes find it hard to even recognize the person. I feel like I've changed a lot since then. Not in a bad way, I've just grown up a lot from then to now. As life changes and surroundings change, so do the people you surround yourself with. Most of the people I spent so much time with in college I barely seem to interact with now. What's even funnier is post graduation I seem to be closer with some people from college than we were in college. Life changes and experiences draw certain people nearer. Oh and technology/social media helps a lot too.
My early 20s were fun, but I still was quite reserved and concerned with so much unnecessary crap. Worried about other people's feelings and opinions and so much of my life and interactions were quite superficial.
I was also consumed with my "daddy issues" I hate that term, but for the sake of knowing that most understand this term I will use it. I was raised by my mom, though I know my dad and saw my dad a lot I didn't and still don't have much of a relationship with him. We all know that research shows that the lack of a positive male presence in the life of a girl can pose some threat to her self-esteem and other developmental and psychological growth. So for me it manifested in needing guys around. Even if they weren't my boyfriend I needed male attention.
Then when I did finally have a boyfriend I spent so much time focused on him and making sure he was "happy" that I started to suffocate him in our relationship. I didn't want to be away from him for fear that he'd leave or not love me anymore I guess. Then when I finally realized that that was not healthy and tried to change my interactions and spend time doing other things and with my own friends it posed a bit of a problem because it was different than he was used to me being before.
This is where you begin to realize that love and relationships are NOTHING like the movies. Being in love and being in a relationship is hard work. Love will also get you to do some things you never saw yourself doing. The relationships in your early 20s can teach you so much. You learn what you like and don't like, you get made a fool of, and an array of other emotions that finally teach you to hopefully value yourself and really decide your expectations from a relationship. You learn to set healthy boundaries and expectations. Most importantly though I credit my 20s for learning that love and relationships is hard work and it's to be respected and treasured when you do feel you've found the right person. Also I came to understand that the right person for you doesn't have to be the same as the right person for your best friend or your mom or anyone else.
There is so much change in your 20s from year to year it's like you're a different person. I have noticed from year to year it even seems my friends have changed. I have a small consistent group of friends, but the larger group of people I associate with seems ever evolving too. I guess as you grow and change so do the people around you. You also find out who the constant friends are though and their presence in your life evolves and becomes even more important.
Also life after college and entering the work force changes you a bit too. You finally have all of this adult responsibility that as a teenager you were so certain you couldn't wait for. Well once it finally happens I can tell you with certainty that I wanted to give it back immediately. I didn't enjoy having to think about paying bills versus having fun with my friends or buying something I really wanted. I didn't have my mummy to call on all the time when I needed money. I had to learn to manage my money and be responsible. I mean thankfully I was an accountant and so I didn't get myself in any debt and I knew and understood the importance of being fiscally responsible. I know a lot of people probably jacked up their credit in their early 20s doing some things that they probably wouldn't value looking back on it.
In time I actually learned to love my independence and freedom. I appreciate my mum and all her support so much more. When you understand hard work, making your own money to get what you want, there is a different sense of satisfaction and appreciation, I find anyway. Independence and embracing it fully was when I truly started to feel more like an adult.
I started working and that took up a large amount of time and so you also learn to plan and schedule and prioritize. I will say that after letting fun fall to the back burner to work for a while I had to learn to prioritize doing things that I liked to do as well. I would say that I have had more fun in my life after college than when I was in college the first time. I don't know if this is common for everyone, but for me the highlight of my life isn't and won't be my undergrad experience. Sometimes I hear people talk about college as if it should be the best times of your life, and don't get me wrong it's fun and you should have fun in college, but fun doesn't stop there. I think after college there is a different kind of fun. Fun that comes when you have more disposable income. Meaning activities that you couldn't afford while you were on a college student's budget. Like vacations to exotic beaches. You don't have to prioritize activities you like over paying for gas and books anymore. I found a whole new sense of fun and adventure after college.
Another thing I learned, just because you have a degree in something and thought you liked it before you actually started working as that chosen profession doesn't mean you can't have a change of heart later. You're still young. Your 20s are about exploring your options and finding your path/place in the world. I went into my post graduation life thinking I had it all figured out. Well life happened and as I started to evolve and change I began to be more honest with myself. This took a while, but as you begin to let go of other people's expectations of you and for me, I truly started to discover who I really am. That meant my initial chosen path and profession weren't for me anymore. I set out on that path for all the wrong reasons, prestige, money, making my family happy, that's what I thought "society" and others expected of me. Well now that I have let go of all of that and done some self reflecting and became honest with myself I am on a new path. Success has nothing to do with money and material things, to me success means being happy. I measure my success through happiness now, not by how much money I think I'll make. Ultimately all I really want and have ever wanted is to be happy.
I started my second career and I'm not even out of my 20s yet. I felt somewhat ashamed of that for a while. I was like people my age are getting married, getting mortgages and starting families and here I am 27 still in school. Well I came to the realization that though we may be the same age all of us as peers don't have the same path. So lesson learned don't let other people's lives be the determinant for how you live your own. Just because I'm not married and don't have kids yet doesn't mean I won't or I can't have those things, I'm just on a slightly different path to get there than my peers. It's a little bit of pressure though I have to admit because I was ingrained with the expectation that by this point in my life that's where I should be. So I do have moments where I feel upset that I am not in the same place as my peers. But then I remember that my path can't be identical to everyone else's.
I guess I said all of this to say that I wished someone had warned me that your 20s are a roller coaster. There are so many changes occurring and we have so many expectations, but your 20s are designated for trial and error. You can't expect to have it all figured out just because you finished college. There are so many more determinants to life.
Your 20s are about finding your place in the world. You discover who you really are in your 20s. You begin to shed your need for the superficial and really become comfortable in your own skin. To me the 20s are for exploration and adventure. I'm shedding the expectations and living my life. Slowly but surely it's all coming together. Lessons are being learned, boundaries are being pushed, mistakes are being made and I'm embracing it all.
I don't know if anyone else experienced or is experiencing similar feelings about their 20s but I am willing to bet that at one point or another most people have had these internal battles. I guess the difference is in how we handle the situation. I'm taking it one day at a time and enjoying the growth and experiences as they come.
Lessons I discovered in my 20s:-
1) you learn who your best friends really are and you learn to love them even more. Not everyone comes into your life for a lifetime.
2) you become very grateful for your parents and your upbringing (I used to think my mom was crazy and overprotective, but now I understand why and I love her more than I knew I could)
3) You learn that love and relationships are NOTHING like the movies (It's hard work and it takes you and the right person to really make it work)
4) You will never be able to please everyone
5) You don't have to be at the exact same place in life as your friends just because you're the same age. Follow your path and do what makes you happy.
6) Life is short so embrace it, live it to the fullest, take chances, embrace the adventure.
7) Everything happens for a reason. Mistakes will be made and they're ok, embrace it and identify the lesson it came to teach you.
I look back on pictures from college and sometimes find it hard to even recognize the person. I feel like I've changed a lot since then. Not in a bad way, I've just grown up a lot from then to now. As life changes and surroundings change, so do the people you surround yourself with. Most of the people I spent so much time with in college I barely seem to interact with now. What's even funnier is post graduation I seem to be closer with some people from college than we were in college. Life changes and experiences draw certain people nearer. Oh and technology/social media helps a lot too.
My early 20s were fun, but I still was quite reserved and concerned with so much unnecessary crap. Worried about other people's feelings and opinions and so much of my life and interactions were quite superficial.
I was also consumed with my "daddy issues" I hate that term, but for the sake of knowing that most understand this term I will use it. I was raised by my mom, though I know my dad and saw my dad a lot I didn't and still don't have much of a relationship with him. We all know that research shows that the lack of a positive male presence in the life of a girl can pose some threat to her self-esteem and other developmental and psychological growth. So for me it manifested in needing guys around. Even if they weren't my boyfriend I needed male attention.
Then when I did finally have a boyfriend I spent so much time focused on him and making sure he was "happy" that I started to suffocate him in our relationship. I didn't want to be away from him for fear that he'd leave or not love me anymore I guess. Then when I finally realized that that was not healthy and tried to change my interactions and spend time doing other things and with my own friends it posed a bit of a problem because it was different than he was used to me being before.
This is where you begin to realize that love and relationships are NOTHING like the movies. Being in love and being in a relationship is hard work. Love will also get you to do some things you never saw yourself doing. The relationships in your early 20s can teach you so much. You learn what you like and don't like, you get made a fool of, and an array of other emotions that finally teach you to hopefully value yourself and really decide your expectations from a relationship. You learn to set healthy boundaries and expectations. Most importantly though I credit my 20s for learning that love and relationships is hard work and it's to be respected and treasured when you do feel you've found the right person. Also I came to understand that the right person for you doesn't have to be the same as the right person for your best friend or your mom or anyone else.
There is so much change in your 20s from year to year it's like you're a different person. I have noticed from year to year it even seems my friends have changed. I have a small consistent group of friends, but the larger group of people I associate with seems ever evolving too. I guess as you grow and change so do the people around you. You also find out who the constant friends are though and their presence in your life evolves and becomes even more important.
Also life after college and entering the work force changes you a bit too. You finally have all of this adult responsibility that as a teenager you were so certain you couldn't wait for. Well once it finally happens I can tell you with certainty that I wanted to give it back immediately. I didn't enjoy having to think about paying bills versus having fun with my friends or buying something I really wanted. I didn't have my mummy to call on all the time when I needed money. I had to learn to manage my money and be responsible. I mean thankfully I was an accountant and so I didn't get myself in any debt and I knew and understood the importance of being fiscally responsible. I know a lot of people probably jacked up their credit in their early 20s doing some things that they probably wouldn't value looking back on it.
In time I actually learned to love my independence and freedom. I appreciate my mum and all her support so much more. When you understand hard work, making your own money to get what you want, there is a different sense of satisfaction and appreciation, I find anyway. Independence and embracing it fully was when I truly started to feel more like an adult.
I started working and that took up a large amount of time and so you also learn to plan and schedule and prioritize. I will say that after letting fun fall to the back burner to work for a while I had to learn to prioritize doing things that I liked to do as well. I would say that I have had more fun in my life after college than when I was in college the first time. I don't know if this is common for everyone, but for me the highlight of my life isn't and won't be my undergrad experience. Sometimes I hear people talk about college as if it should be the best times of your life, and don't get me wrong it's fun and you should have fun in college, but fun doesn't stop there. I think after college there is a different kind of fun. Fun that comes when you have more disposable income. Meaning activities that you couldn't afford while you were on a college student's budget. Like vacations to exotic beaches. You don't have to prioritize activities you like over paying for gas and books anymore. I found a whole new sense of fun and adventure after college.
Another thing I learned, just because you have a degree in something and thought you liked it before you actually started working as that chosen profession doesn't mean you can't have a change of heart later. You're still young. Your 20s are about exploring your options and finding your path/place in the world. I went into my post graduation life thinking I had it all figured out. Well life happened and as I started to evolve and change I began to be more honest with myself. This took a while, but as you begin to let go of other people's expectations of you and for me, I truly started to discover who I really am. That meant my initial chosen path and profession weren't for me anymore. I set out on that path for all the wrong reasons, prestige, money, making my family happy, that's what I thought "society" and others expected of me. Well now that I have let go of all of that and done some self reflecting and became honest with myself I am on a new path. Success has nothing to do with money and material things, to me success means being happy. I measure my success through happiness now, not by how much money I think I'll make. Ultimately all I really want and have ever wanted is to be happy.
I started my second career and I'm not even out of my 20s yet. I felt somewhat ashamed of that for a while. I was like people my age are getting married, getting mortgages and starting families and here I am 27 still in school. Well I came to the realization that though we may be the same age all of us as peers don't have the same path. So lesson learned don't let other people's lives be the determinant for how you live your own. Just because I'm not married and don't have kids yet doesn't mean I won't or I can't have those things, I'm just on a slightly different path to get there than my peers. It's a little bit of pressure though I have to admit because I was ingrained with the expectation that by this point in my life that's where I should be. So I do have moments where I feel upset that I am not in the same place as my peers. But then I remember that my path can't be identical to everyone else's.
I guess I said all of this to say that I wished someone had warned me that your 20s are a roller coaster. There are so many changes occurring and we have so many expectations, but your 20s are designated for trial and error. You can't expect to have it all figured out just because you finished college. There are so many more determinants to life.
Your 20s are about finding your place in the world. You discover who you really are in your 20s. You begin to shed your need for the superficial and really become comfortable in your own skin. To me the 20s are for exploration and adventure. I'm shedding the expectations and living my life. Slowly but surely it's all coming together. Lessons are being learned, boundaries are being pushed, mistakes are being made and I'm embracing it all.
I don't know if anyone else experienced or is experiencing similar feelings about their 20s but I am willing to bet that at one point or another most people have had these internal battles. I guess the difference is in how we handle the situation. I'm taking it one day at a time and enjoying the growth and experiences as they come.
Lessons I discovered in my 20s:-
1) you learn who your best friends really are and you learn to love them even more. Not everyone comes into your life for a lifetime.
2) you become very grateful for your parents and your upbringing (I used to think my mom was crazy and overprotective, but now I understand why and I love her more than I knew I could)
3) You learn that love and relationships are NOTHING like the movies (It's hard work and it takes you and the right person to really make it work)
4) You will never be able to please everyone
5) You don't have to be at the exact same place in life as your friends just because you're the same age. Follow your path and do what makes you happy.
6) Life is short so embrace it, live it to the fullest, take chances, embrace the adventure.
7) Everything happens for a reason. Mistakes will be made and they're ok, embrace it and identify the lesson it came to teach you.
Comments
Post a Comment