Intense doesn't even begin to describe it...
Life's so funny....as a part of my master's program we each have to do an internship. By some cosmic twist of faith I land up at a placement that really suits me well. My ultimate goal along this new career path is to hopefully be a parent coach and work with teen mothers or "at risk" mothers to help them with adjusting to the new role of motherhood. I want to be a resource to aid women in being better mothers. I guess that old adage is true that what you put into the universe will come back to you. I'd been saying this for a while now and here it is an opportunity to really get real life experience in how a project of this nature could work.
Initially, my internship was a bit slow to start. Well over the past 2 days I have literally been thrown into the thick of things. My internship is working with a Project called Hagar and Miriam. We work with pregnant, African, Refugee women in Israel. We help them with their medical needs if they choose to keep their baby and also help after they give birth. Some women however do not want to have these children and we also help them with abortions. I specifically work with abortion cases.
I know the subject of abortion can be very sensitive for a lot of people. If you have moral/ethical issues with abortion please stop reading this post. I am not interested in arguing with anyone about their feelings about abortion. I am of the belief that EVERY woman has the right to choose what she wants to do with her body. The decision each woman makes in these situations is between her and God (if she believes in a God). I am not here to judge her. I personally rather a woman have an abortion than to bring a child into the world that she neither wants nor can take care of.
For me being raped is truly one of my greatest fears in life. As part of the abortion cases, sadly a lot of these women are rape victims. I don't ever want to have to think about having to choose to between saving life and aborting because I was unfathomably violated. I don't ever want to trade places with these women. I however do have to hear their stories. Stories that have left me in this very moment ready to just ball my eyes out.
The past 2 days have been the most intense days of my internship thus far. Yesterday I spent my evening at the refugee clinic in Tel Aviv meeting women that needed help from the organization. In 4 hours, I didn't use the bathroom, drink water or anything else, other than shove a few carrots in my mouth while speaking to women. I spoke to so many women. Sadly most of the women were wanting abortions. Not all of these women were victims of rape, but still it's so disheartening hearing woman after woman come in and say she's pregnant and she doesn't want to be anymore.
In addition to the emotionally draining experience of woman after woman repeatedly asking for abortions I am also dealing with women that don't speak English. I am therefore trying to gather information from women who speak very little English if I am lucky, but most speak none at all. So I have to hope they have a bf or spouse that does. At the very least if someone can speak Hebrew I can find someone to help me translate. It's the worst when the woman comes in alone and she has nobody to translate for her and then has to pull some random stranger from the waiting room to help her. Abortion is always met with a sense of shame. So can you imagine having to ask some stranger, in a strange country where you know nothing about this process, to then ask another woman that you don't know, to help you get an abortion? How crazy is that?!
Needless to say I came home last night feeling like I'd been hit by a bus and then it reversed over me twice. I felt so beat up. It's sad because so many women don't want their children and then on top of that the worst are when they tell you they were raped.
Tonight I met with a few of the women from last night one on one to get more information from them and find out their stories. Why they want the abortion etc. Two of the three women I met tonight were raped. Listening to their detailed, personal stories made me sick. These are young women, most younger than me. I don't ever want to imagine these situations. One woman started to cry while she was telling her story about how she was raped. Sadly she's also quite far along in her pregnancy and we had to tell her that she might not even be able to get an abortion anymore. At that point she completely broke down. Though there was a translator in the room translating from English to her native language her pain was felt no matter what language you spoke. She doesn't want this child of some man she doesn't know. She wants the baby gone and to move on with her life. It literally took every fiber in me to not cry in front of her. As the translator was relaying the story she actually broke down too. As I write this and replay the story in my head the tears are definitely falling.
After days like the past 2 days all I want is to go home to a strong loving man and cry in his arms. I imagine if I had a husband and kids after days like this at work I'd probably go home, hug them and never want to let them go. Listening to these stories just makes you so thankful for life and safety and health. It also makes me happy I can help. Each of the women I met tonight hugged me and thanked me profusely for my help. Even though I felt like I wasn't doing much because I had to have someone translate everything I said to them and all I was doing them was referring them to doctors, for them it was enough. It was enough because I was willing to help them do something they desperately wanted for themselves, but were unable to accomplish alone.
I'm not married, but I know for sure that whoever the guy is I am with long-term, he's gonna have to be a strong one. This work is not easy and i'm gonna need lots of love after days like today to keep myself sane. Last night I drowned my pain in ice cream. Tonight after what I heard I don't even wanna eat or see food. So now that I have had a nice hot shower, it's time to cuddle up with my snoogle and hope for sweet dreams.
Initially, my internship was a bit slow to start. Well over the past 2 days I have literally been thrown into the thick of things. My internship is working with a Project called Hagar and Miriam. We work with pregnant, African, Refugee women in Israel. We help them with their medical needs if they choose to keep their baby and also help after they give birth. Some women however do not want to have these children and we also help them with abortions. I specifically work with abortion cases.
I know the subject of abortion can be very sensitive for a lot of people. If you have moral/ethical issues with abortion please stop reading this post. I am not interested in arguing with anyone about their feelings about abortion. I am of the belief that EVERY woman has the right to choose what she wants to do with her body. The decision each woman makes in these situations is between her and God (if she believes in a God). I am not here to judge her. I personally rather a woman have an abortion than to bring a child into the world that she neither wants nor can take care of.
For me being raped is truly one of my greatest fears in life. As part of the abortion cases, sadly a lot of these women are rape victims. I don't ever want to have to think about having to choose to between saving life and aborting because I was unfathomably violated. I don't ever want to trade places with these women. I however do have to hear their stories. Stories that have left me in this very moment ready to just ball my eyes out.
The past 2 days have been the most intense days of my internship thus far. Yesterday I spent my evening at the refugee clinic in Tel Aviv meeting women that needed help from the organization. In 4 hours, I didn't use the bathroom, drink water or anything else, other than shove a few carrots in my mouth while speaking to women. I spoke to so many women. Sadly most of the women were wanting abortions. Not all of these women were victims of rape, but still it's so disheartening hearing woman after woman come in and say she's pregnant and she doesn't want to be anymore.
In addition to the emotionally draining experience of woman after woman repeatedly asking for abortions I am also dealing with women that don't speak English. I am therefore trying to gather information from women who speak very little English if I am lucky, but most speak none at all. So I have to hope they have a bf or spouse that does. At the very least if someone can speak Hebrew I can find someone to help me translate. It's the worst when the woman comes in alone and she has nobody to translate for her and then has to pull some random stranger from the waiting room to help her. Abortion is always met with a sense of shame. So can you imagine having to ask some stranger, in a strange country where you know nothing about this process, to then ask another woman that you don't know, to help you get an abortion? How crazy is that?!
Needless to say I came home last night feeling like I'd been hit by a bus and then it reversed over me twice. I felt so beat up. It's sad because so many women don't want their children and then on top of that the worst are when they tell you they were raped.
Tonight I met with a few of the women from last night one on one to get more information from them and find out their stories. Why they want the abortion etc. Two of the three women I met tonight were raped. Listening to their detailed, personal stories made me sick. These are young women, most younger than me. I don't ever want to imagine these situations. One woman started to cry while she was telling her story about how she was raped. Sadly she's also quite far along in her pregnancy and we had to tell her that she might not even be able to get an abortion anymore. At that point she completely broke down. Though there was a translator in the room translating from English to her native language her pain was felt no matter what language you spoke. She doesn't want this child of some man she doesn't know. She wants the baby gone and to move on with her life. It literally took every fiber in me to not cry in front of her. As the translator was relaying the story she actually broke down too. As I write this and replay the story in my head the tears are definitely falling.
After days like the past 2 days all I want is to go home to a strong loving man and cry in his arms. I imagine if I had a husband and kids after days like this at work I'd probably go home, hug them and never want to let them go. Listening to these stories just makes you so thankful for life and safety and health. It also makes me happy I can help. Each of the women I met tonight hugged me and thanked me profusely for my help. Even though I felt like I wasn't doing much because I had to have someone translate everything I said to them and all I was doing them was referring them to doctors, for them it was enough. It was enough because I was willing to help them do something they desperately wanted for themselves, but were unable to accomplish alone.
I'm not married, but I know for sure that whoever the guy is I am with long-term, he's gonna have to be a strong one. This work is not easy and i'm gonna need lots of love after days like today to keep myself sane. Last night I drowned my pain in ice cream. Tonight after what I heard I don't even wanna eat or see food. So now that I have had a nice hot shower, it's time to cuddle up with my snoogle and hope for sweet dreams.
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