My milestones = someone's death.
I know this post is morbid, but I just have to get this out. It seems that death is the symbol of change in my life. Every time I go through a big life change or important moment it seems someone in my family dies. It's so common for me now that when I began packing earlier this week and planning for my move to Israel I actually stopped to process and pray about who it'd be this time. I found myself pleading with God to keep my grandmother healthy.
My grandmother is the single most important person to me. She is literally my world and she's been ailing for almost a year now so I am always worried about her. She is so happy and excited about me moving to Israel that I absolutely can't wait for graduation and her to be there next year! My grandmother and I are very close. I would say I am closer to my grandmother than I am my mom. She has lived with us my whole life. She has been my biggest cheerleader and the one person that I can always go to with the truth even when I do not think I can tell anyone else. My grandmother is one of my best friends! She even refers to me as her child.
For as long as I can remember I've prayed that my grandmother will get to see me get married and have a family. The older she gets and the more ill she becomes I fear my wish may not come true. I pray to God all the time to keep her healthy so that she can continue to be here for the biggest moments in my life. All I can do is have hope though. Death is inevitable and we don't know when it'll happen.
I got off on a bit of a tangent about grammy, but I get emotional when I think about death and especially as I know I'll be a complete wreck when she passes.
So most of my memories around big changes in my life/milestones are also marked by death. The first one I always remember was when I found out I got into Benenden, my boarding school in England. Soon after I found out I got in my aunt Penny died. I remember this because I remember her being so excited for me to go and telling me she was proud of me and then she passed. She never saw me off she never got to hear about my experiences, she never got to see me grow!
In high school in England you have to take these public exams at a certain age. They are HS level exams in particular subjects and all the students in the country in your year have to take them too. My first set were my GCSEs in the upper fifths (11th grade). I took 10 of them. After they were done I was exhausted and ready for summer vacation. I did well on them and was so excited about them being done. I was in the airport headed home for the summer and my mom told me my grandfather had passed! He'd passed a few days before but my mom didn't tell me because she didn't want to distract me from studying for my exams. I remember being so angry at her for that. I cried the whole flight home.
My mother and her dad didn't have the best relationship, but as I got older I made an effort to have my own relationship with my grandfather. I'd have my mom drop me off at his house and just sit and talk with him. My granddad was paralyzed most of my childhood so he didn't really leave the house much. We'd sit and talk and talk and talk. He'd lecture me about doing well in school and not getting into trouble. He always told me there's only one "dumb Strachan" and he's 6ft under. (My grandparents oldest son died when I was about 2 yrs old in a drug related incident) During one of those many times he'd repeated the "dumb Strachan" story to me I promised my grandfather I'd never do drugs. It's in honor of that promise that I made so many years ago that I have never done drugs. I've been offered, I've seen people do it, but I've never done it. I know most people find it shocking that I've never even tried pot before, but it's true never have and never intend on it. I have no interest. I made a promise and I intend on keeping it. It was especially important to me to keep that promise after my granddad died.
My great-grandmother, gra'ma as we affectionately called her, was my granddad's mom. She took care of him everyday until he passed. She passed a year later. I was done with my AS levels, more public exams, and about to head to college when she passed. She died almost exactly a year after my grandfather. She had cancer, and refused treatment, so she stayed home until she passed. I remember as a child going to her house and she'd always make me whatever I wanted to eat, she was always trying to feed someone. When it was time for me to go home she'd always send me home with a brown paper bag with something. Sodas, plums, sardines, anything she had. She loved to send me home with sardines, I think I ate too many as a kid, which is why I can't stand them now. She always made sure everybody was taken care of. So when she got ill we did the same for her. I remember one day calling her up to ask her what she wanted to eat and then my mom and I went to take her dinner and change her because she was bedridden at this point. My mom and I were trying to lift her and she started laughing at us. In that moment we all burst out laughing it was 3 generations of pure love sharing a moment and I'll never forget that day. My excitement about getting into Oglethorpe and deciding to go there is also marked with the memory of my great-grandmother's death.
My senior year of college was great. I'd already signed on with Deloitte and knew I had a job waiting on me in the fall after graduation. I started working at Deloitte September 11, 2006. I'll never forget the date. Once I started working I immediately went into training. After training my 1st client was Carmike Cinemas down in Columbus, GA. While I was out there I had 2 deaths a week a part. My boyfriend at the time, his best friend, who was also my friend, Andy Gathers passed. So I asked to miss a couple of days of work to be with friends and attend the funeral. That was fine. I just felt bad because I was newbie I'd just started on the client and was already taking time off. A week later almost exactly to the hour my uncle Sterling passed. My grandmother was here with me because I was out of town for work so she came to stay with my dog Nemo. I had to tell her. It was an awful day having to give her that news and then put her on a plane home immediately.
I was so scared to tell my manager about my uncle's passing because I was like there is no way she's going to believe me when I tell her that I had to miss more work. It just so happened that one of my uncle's close friends from high school was also a partner at Deloitte so I think he may have also helped me out a bit in this situation. I was still nervous about it though, I went to work everyday until I left to go home for his funeral. I guess working kinda kept my mind off it too. The minute I got home though all of the emotions hit me and I fell a part. I was a mess. I still can't believe it sometimes. When I go home for holidays and special occasions I still find myself waiting for him to walk in, even though I know he's gone.
My uncle was the best. He was fun and the life of the party. He's the reason I love Heineken so much, he drank it all the time too. He was the glue that held my family together. He planned all of our family parties and made us all get together for a good time. When I graduated from Oglethorpe almost my entire family came up to see me graduate. My uncle was there so happy and so proud that day. He was so proud of me. Of all the people that were there that day to see me graduate the smile on his face and him waving the Bahamian flag is still ingrained in my memory. I remember being so embarrassed because I had so many people and they were so loud and all of my other classmates laughing. That day was one of the last days I spent with him so I am so proud and happy he was there. Ever since he's passed, almost 5 yrs now, my family has not been the same.
Like I said when I started this post I was thinking this week about if there'd be another death marking my move to Israel and going off to graduate school, this is a new milestone in my life so I began to worry about it and who it'd be. My mom called this morning with bad news. My granduncle passed this morning.
My grandmother and her sister are the oldest living relatives in our family. My grand-aunt Vivian and her husband, my Grand-uncle Van, have been an active part of my life. Seen as grammy and her sister are so close, growing up we spent time at their house almost every Sunday. My aunt Vivian also loves to feed people so she'd always have loads of food. Oh and she bakes the best cakes ever! Her rum cake is the best! I won't eat it from anyone else! Now that I can drive, whenever I'm home and if somebody hasn't cooked at home I always go to their house for food.
When I was home last we were having dinner at our house so my mom asked me to go and get uncle Van and aunt Vivian. Uncle Van has been suffering from dementia so some days are good and some days not so good. So on our long drive back from their house to mine he told me old stories the whole time. He always got excited to see me and was so happy that day to tell me all of these random stories.
It sucks that all of my milestones are associated with a death. It really bothers me, so much so that when I know a big one's coming up I almost anticipate death now. It's sad and disturbing, but what can you do? Death is guaranteed, we don't know when, but we know it's coming.
I guess rest in peace to my family that's passed, I hope you guys are all looking down on me smiling and that I can continue to make you proud!
My grandmother is the single most important person to me. She is literally my world and she's been ailing for almost a year now so I am always worried about her. She is so happy and excited about me moving to Israel that I absolutely can't wait for graduation and her to be there next year! My grandmother and I are very close. I would say I am closer to my grandmother than I am my mom. She has lived with us my whole life. She has been my biggest cheerleader and the one person that I can always go to with the truth even when I do not think I can tell anyone else. My grandmother is one of my best friends! She even refers to me as her child.
For as long as I can remember I've prayed that my grandmother will get to see me get married and have a family. The older she gets and the more ill she becomes I fear my wish may not come true. I pray to God all the time to keep her healthy so that she can continue to be here for the biggest moments in my life. All I can do is have hope though. Death is inevitable and we don't know when it'll happen.
I got off on a bit of a tangent about grammy, but I get emotional when I think about death and especially as I know I'll be a complete wreck when she passes.
So most of my memories around big changes in my life/milestones are also marked by death. The first one I always remember was when I found out I got into Benenden, my boarding school in England. Soon after I found out I got in my aunt Penny died. I remember this because I remember her being so excited for me to go and telling me she was proud of me and then she passed. She never saw me off she never got to hear about my experiences, she never got to see me grow!
In high school in England you have to take these public exams at a certain age. They are HS level exams in particular subjects and all the students in the country in your year have to take them too. My first set were my GCSEs in the upper fifths (11th grade). I took 10 of them. After they were done I was exhausted and ready for summer vacation. I did well on them and was so excited about them being done. I was in the airport headed home for the summer and my mom told me my grandfather had passed! He'd passed a few days before but my mom didn't tell me because she didn't want to distract me from studying for my exams. I remember being so angry at her for that. I cried the whole flight home.
My mother and her dad didn't have the best relationship, but as I got older I made an effort to have my own relationship with my grandfather. I'd have my mom drop me off at his house and just sit and talk with him. My granddad was paralyzed most of my childhood so he didn't really leave the house much. We'd sit and talk and talk and talk. He'd lecture me about doing well in school and not getting into trouble. He always told me there's only one "dumb Strachan" and he's 6ft under. (My grandparents oldest son died when I was about 2 yrs old in a drug related incident) During one of those many times he'd repeated the "dumb Strachan" story to me I promised my grandfather I'd never do drugs. It's in honor of that promise that I made so many years ago that I have never done drugs. I've been offered, I've seen people do it, but I've never done it. I know most people find it shocking that I've never even tried pot before, but it's true never have and never intend on it. I have no interest. I made a promise and I intend on keeping it. It was especially important to me to keep that promise after my granddad died.
My great-grandmother, gra'ma as we affectionately called her, was my granddad's mom. She took care of him everyday until he passed. She passed a year later. I was done with my AS levels, more public exams, and about to head to college when she passed. She died almost exactly a year after my grandfather. She had cancer, and refused treatment, so she stayed home until she passed. I remember as a child going to her house and she'd always make me whatever I wanted to eat, she was always trying to feed someone. When it was time for me to go home she'd always send me home with a brown paper bag with something. Sodas, plums, sardines, anything she had. She loved to send me home with sardines, I think I ate too many as a kid, which is why I can't stand them now. She always made sure everybody was taken care of. So when she got ill we did the same for her. I remember one day calling her up to ask her what she wanted to eat and then my mom and I went to take her dinner and change her because she was bedridden at this point. My mom and I were trying to lift her and she started laughing at us. In that moment we all burst out laughing it was 3 generations of pure love sharing a moment and I'll never forget that day. My excitement about getting into Oglethorpe and deciding to go there is also marked with the memory of my great-grandmother's death.
My senior year of college was great. I'd already signed on with Deloitte and knew I had a job waiting on me in the fall after graduation. I started working at Deloitte September 11, 2006. I'll never forget the date. Once I started working I immediately went into training. After training my 1st client was Carmike Cinemas down in Columbus, GA. While I was out there I had 2 deaths a week a part. My boyfriend at the time, his best friend, who was also my friend, Andy Gathers passed. So I asked to miss a couple of days of work to be with friends and attend the funeral. That was fine. I just felt bad because I was newbie I'd just started on the client and was already taking time off. A week later almost exactly to the hour my uncle Sterling passed. My grandmother was here with me because I was out of town for work so she came to stay with my dog Nemo. I had to tell her. It was an awful day having to give her that news and then put her on a plane home immediately.
I was so scared to tell my manager about my uncle's passing because I was like there is no way she's going to believe me when I tell her that I had to miss more work. It just so happened that one of my uncle's close friends from high school was also a partner at Deloitte so I think he may have also helped me out a bit in this situation. I was still nervous about it though, I went to work everyday until I left to go home for his funeral. I guess working kinda kept my mind off it too. The minute I got home though all of the emotions hit me and I fell a part. I was a mess. I still can't believe it sometimes. When I go home for holidays and special occasions I still find myself waiting for him to walk in, even though I know he's gone.
My uncle was the best. He was fun and the life of the party. He's the reason I love Heineken so much, he drank it all the time too. He was the glue that held my family together. He planned all of our family parties and made us all get together for a good time. When I graduated from Oglethorpe almost my entire family came up to see me graduate. My uncle was there so happy and so proud that day. He was so proud of me. Of all the people that were there that day to see me graduate the smile on his face and him waving the Bahamian flag is still ingrained in my memory. I remember being so embarrassed because I had so many people and they were so loud and all of my other classmates laughing. That day was one of the last days I spent with him so I am so proud and happy he was there. Ever since he's passed, almost 5 yrs now, my family has not been the same.
Like I said when I started this post I was thinking this week about if there'd be another death marking my move to Israel and going off to graduate school, this is a new milestone in my life so I began to worry about it and who it'd be. My mom called this morning with bad news. My granduncle passed this morning.
My grandmother and her sister are the oldest living relatives in our family. My grand-aunt Vivian and her husband, my Grand-uncle Van, have been an active part of my life. Seen as grammy and her sister are so close, growing up we spent time at their house almost every Sunday. My aunt Vivian also loves to feed people so she'd always have loads of food. Oh and she bakes the best cakes ever! Her rum cake is the best! I won't eat it from anyone else! Now that I can drive, whenever I'm home and if somebody hasn't cooked at home I always go to their house for food.
When I was home last we were having dinner at our house so my mom asked me to go and get uncle Van and aunt Vivian. Uncle Van has been suffering from dementia so some days are good and some days not so good. So on our long drive back from their house to mine he told me old stories the whole time. He always got excited to see me and was so happy that day to tell me all of these random stories.
It sucks that all of my milestones are associated with a death. It really bothers me, so much so that when I know a big one's coming up I almost anticipate death now. It's sad and disturbing, but what can you do? Death is guaranteed, we don't know when, but we know it's coming.
I guess rest in peace to my family that's passed, I hope you guys are all looking down on me smiling and that I can continue to make you proud!
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